Endless Screams
by Phantasmal Abduction
Summary: A dark fic that may give you nightmares...it even disturbed me when i wrote it.Set in high school...full of alcohol..angst and...um anger?better than it sounds for sure...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1. Who is there to hear me?**

I can't stop screaming, wordless, endless and full of agony. My scream began when the first star lit the sky and will never end. The echoes fill my world and block out everything. Why can no one hear me?

_- Excerpt from the journal of Kairi._

The squeak of the white-board pen on the board floated across the room, mingling with the muted boredom of the class. Near the front of the room, a tall graceful figure lounged across three chairs ignoring the teacher and filling the room with his low laugh. The teacher tried to silence him with a stern glance, but he only looked back arrogantly. He owned the classroom and everyone in it.

On the other side of the room, isolated from the murmurs and cocooned in her own chrysalis of silence, Kairi stared at the thick pad of paper in front of her. She tuned out the classroom noises and dropped the nib of her pen to the blank sheet of paper. The black pen drew delicate loops and flowing shapes across the paper, moving with a steady purpose and unwavering smoothness. Lost in the black on white, Kairi forgot who she was and where she was, entranced with the dancing of the pen.

Sora grinned at Riku and accidentally on purpose fell off his chair. The group around the two friends roared with laughter and pelted the giggling Sora with wadded up paper and pens. The missiles flew all over the room causing girls to scream and boys to curse, one pen even flying all the way over to where Kairi was sitting. The pen hit her hand hard enough to push it off course and a dark line scrawled over her lacework of pen lines.

Looking over at the boys sprawled on the chairs, Kairi caught Sora's eye and gave him a vicious glare. He looked taken aback for a second and then almost immediately nudged Riku and beckoned to him to follow. They both got up and strolled over towards Kairi, moving in an almost predatory way while she stared at them impassively.

Kairi stared at the two boys until they stopped next to her. She completely ignored Riku and instead focused her intense glare on Sora, trying to fathom his intentions. She leant forward to hide her drawing; there was no way that she wanted these two to see what she was sketching.

Sora ran his eyes slyly over Kairi's defiant face and to her discomfit drifted over every inch of her features. His gaze slid over her white-pale skin and lingered on the black swirls of makeup that curled around her eyes and cheeks. His stare roved over her full, black painted lips in a manner that made her skin crawl before focusing again on her eyes.

Breaking the tense silence, Kairi leant back in her chair and folded her arms. 'What.' She said it with no inflection or emphasis, giving the two boys no clue about how hard her heart was thumping or how faint she was starting to feel. 'What do you want?'

Riku glanced sideways at Sora, trying to figure out what his game was. He could tell that Kairi was uncomfortable, and even though he thought that she was totally weird, he didn't like to be specifically mean to her. Sora let a shark-like grin slide over his face and bent closer to Kairi.

Grinning down at Kairi, Sora inwardly laughed at her discomfort. He had seen around the campus a lot and had always wondered why she persisted with her crazy gothic look. Thinking about her full lips and smooth skin, Sora raised and eyebrow; without all her black camouflage, she would look halfway decent. He looked down at the paper she was trying to hide and almost burst out laughing. He grabbed the paper, ignoring her frantic attempts to get it back and waved it above his head.

A muffled snort burst from Sora's mouth as he displayed the drawing to the whole class. The rest of the class stared at the pattern uncomprehendingly for a brief second and then broke up with hysterical laughter. Covering the whole piece of refill was an intricate, gothic style heart surrounding Riku's name. Over the roar of laughter that echoed round the classroom Sora yelled, 'Our own little Goth-girl has fallen for Riku! The freak thinks she has a chance with the stud himself!'

As Riku blushed scarlet and averted his face he happened to catch a glimpse of Kairi, she was sitting in the chair hunched over her desk, covering her face with her hands. As he watched her, she lifted her head slightly and he saw the tears that streaked her cheeks. He glanced away feeling faintly dirty about his role in her humiliation, he had been in her class every year since they first started school, and he had never once seen her cry at anything.

Sora was oblivious to the quiet girl's distress and continued to hype the class into complete hysteria. Some of the girls were crying with laughter at the thought of Kairi 'the retard Goth chick' with Riku, one of the hottest guys in college and the guys were all wolf-whistling and hooting with mirth. Unnoticed by anyone except Riku, Kairi got up and walked stiffly out of the class.

The minute that she was into the corridor, out of earshot of her classmates, Kairi let go. All the pain and humiliation of her whole life overwhelmed her and she sank to the floor sobbing. She had known all along that she was an outcast to everyone and that she was never going to fit in, but to have Sora shove her face in everything wrong with her life had struck deep. After a few moments Kairi sucked in a deep breath and knuckled the tears from her eyes. Pulling herself slowly to her feet, Kairi walked unsteadily down the hallway and out of the school.

Inside the class, Riku lounged on the desk next to Sora who was still chuckling along with the rest of the class. Sora didn't seem to notice that his silver haired friend wasn't joining in the general hilarity but when he did glance over at Riku his eyes were sly and scheming. Riku didn't notice the strange look in his friends eyes and he hardly even noticed when the bell rung for the end of school. All he could think of was how he should have gone after her, how he should have done something to stop Sora crushing the weird yet strangely beautiful girl. Through his mind over and over again were the thoughts, 'Does she really like me? How hurt is she?' It surprised him how much he cared about what the teasing and taunting had done to this particular girl. He had never thought of his and Sora's victims as real people before, just targets.

Sora punched Riku in the arm jerking the silver haired boy out of his guilt and provoking a startled grin. Together they ran towards the door already raving about the next party they would appear at and how the weather had to clear soon. The tears of a shy, sad girl slipped from their minds without further thought, just a blur in another routine day at college. They didn't spare another minutes thought on the girl they destroyed.

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Kairi wandered aimlessly down the street in a daze. She didn't see the red-gold leaves that dressed the towering trees by the road or the birdsong that filled the sky, her head was filled with the screaming jeers and shrieking laughter of her so called peers. She didn't notice the sun beginning to sink she was so lost in her pain. Only when she could no longer see the footpath beneath her feet did Kairi look up and attempt to shake herself from the harsh screaming memories. She turned around and slowly started making her way towards her home.

The house was dark when Kairi let herself in, her parents were never home. She left the lights off and walked through the dim house like a zombie. Once she reached her room, Kairi roughly slammed a cd into her stereo and fell backwards onto her bed. The haunting lyrics of Evanescence eased softly into the air too quietly for the girl's liking and she savagely twisted the knob to full volume.

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me  
__Still can't find what keeps me here  
__When all this time I've been so hollow inside  
__I know that you're still there_

Watching me, wanting me  
_I can feel you pull me down  
__Fearing you, loving you  
__I won't let you pull me down._

Kairi stared at the ceiling of her room letting the music wrap her mind in sound. She tried to stop her thoughts from wandering but as the lyrics registered in her consciousness the day began to drift back to her. She fought against the harsh realities of the day but the thoughts rolled over her like a dark unstoppable tide.

I know nobody likes me, she thought. I'm always alone, always listening to the whispers that float behind my back but disappear when I turn around. I can't do anything about the rumours and the hideous lies, I'm helpless against the world. Why does it have to be like this?

For the second time that day Kairi gave into the storm of emotions that had been building inside her. She threw herself back onto her bed and let out one scream of pure agony. The echoes of her scream died away slowly and Kairi felt her whole body drain of strength. Her hand slipped off the side of the bed and she let it trail along the rough carpet of her room. Then she felt a smooth glass surface and cold metal cap of a bottle.

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While Sora and Riku played playstation and laughed over their brilliant wit, Kairi sat staring at the full bottle of vodka. While Riku held his aching ribs at Sora's impressions of their hapless school victims, Kairi slowly unscrewed the lid and tipped the clear liquid into a glass. While Riku fell asleep on Sora's couch and Sora went to bed, Kairi lost herself, all her pain, all her memories in the numbing burn of the alcohol. Her mind blurred and her thoughts turned to her living hell. As if she were in a trance her hand moved to her bedside table and rested on the pocketknife that was calling her name.

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	2. Chapter 2 Whistful Confusion

**Chapter 2. Wistful Confusion.**

_Why do I do the things I do? What is it about Sora that makes me do whatever he says? Why am I so weak around him? I turn into a grinning idiot and fly on the wings of his confidence no matter where he goes with his arrogance. It's only when he turns his smile away from me that I see the pain he's caused, the pain we've caused and my heart hurts. I don't like who I am around him but I can't stay away from him. Since forever he's been there for me but I don't know about anything anymore. I think what we did to Kairi was wrong…I don't know how to fix it._

_-Excerpt from Riku's diary._

'And so the cellular structure of an animal cell is different to that of a plant how?' the biology teacher scanned the classroom with a sly look on her face. 'Riku. How about you tell us what the difference is.'

Riku had been staring at the wall with a vacant look on his face, not even listening to what was happening in the lesson. The teacher had to repeat his name twice before he looked up with a startled look on his face. He glanced sideways at Sora who mouthed 'Space cadet.' And quickly mumbled 'Nah I don't know.' He blushed slightly and lowered his gaze to the blank piece of paper in front of him where his notes should be.

As the rest of the class snickered quietly and the teacher went back to the lesson, Sora looked at Riku out of the corner of his eye. His friend had not been acting himself since the incident with the little Goth girl and Sora thought he knew what the problem was. Grinning, he inched closer to Riku and leant close to whisper in his ear.

'Oi, I know what's going on with you Riku,' he hissed, grinning even wider as Riku's head jerked up.

'I don't know what you're talking about Sora. What _are_ you talking about huh?

Sora was slightly taken aback at Riku's aggressive response but hesitated only for a second. 'Jeez mate I was only going to say that after yesterday you won't need to worry about Goth freak liking you anymore. I think we made it pretty clear how out of her league you are. I mean cummon, you saw the look on her face. I think she's finally realizing that she just doesn't belong with normal people.'

At that moment the bell rung, giving Riku no time to respond. Sora didn't notice his friend's mouth hanging open as he was too busy packing up his gear. By the time he turned back to Riku, the silver haired boy had pulled himself together and was trying to hide the stunned look in his eyes. Riku just couldn't believe how heartless and off-hand Sora could be about hurting someone as they had hurt Kairi. Wordlessly he got up and followed Sora out towards their next class, English.

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When Riku and Sora got to their English class, Riku was almost back to himself. Sora's irrepressible chatter and quips broke down the hesitant barriers Riku was erecting against his oldest friend and by the time they got to the English building they were laughing hysterically over nothing, as usual. It was only when they were both seated and calmed down somewhat that Riku noticed that Kairi wasn't in her normal seat. His eyes narrowed, Kairi was usually the first in and first out of every class and she was never late.

Five minutes after the bell rung Kairi stumbled into class. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was tangled and un-brushed. Not looking at anyone she staggered to a seat at the back of class and slumped into it letting her head roll back. No one even noticed her appearance except Riku who stared at her for a second before realising that he was actually staring. He quickly glanced away before anyone noticed but continued to watch her covertly.

At the front of the class the teacher surveyed her students. Most of the disruptive teens were wagging class so she decided to try and play to her remaining students' strengths. 'Class, we're starting the poetry component of your course today. This will be a poetry anthology consisting of two poems that you have written previously for school and at least six other poems all written about different things, but with an underlying theme.' She paused and looked at Kairi, smiling. 'I know at least some of you will enjoy this assignment.' Slightly put out that Kairi didn't even respond with her customary sweet smile, the teacher continued to outline the assignment for the class.

Down the back of the class Kairi fought to keep the room from spinning. She was still completely drunk from the night before and every second was a constant struggle to not be sick. To try and calm her mind she got out her pad and pen and started to draw. Her hand was shaking, but her natural talent let her compensate by filling in mistaken loops and thickening crooked lines. The picture began to take shape and as always the delicate gothic lacework of black leeched away her pain and enfolded her mind.

As soon as the bell rung for the end of English, Sora leaped up out of his chair grabbing at Riku's arm. 'Cummon Riku lets get to lunch! I've got to get the dairy before everyone!'

Making a snap decision Riku held back and pulled his arm away. 'I can't today Sora, I have to talk to Miss Conway about the assignment. I really need a good grade for this ok?' He braced himself for the derisive comment or indignant response but was completely wrong-footed by Sora's reply.

'Oh ok, I know your kinda failing English. I'll see you fourth period?'

Riku raised one eyebrow at the innocent looking Sora. 'Cool…Ok well I'll see you later.' He watched his friend bounce out of the door and shook his head. That was so not like Sora, he would usually be ragging Riku shamelessly about being a teachers pet and a swot. Ah well, maybe he was changing just like Riku himself was.

As the rest of the class trickled out the door to lunch, Riku hung back and waited until the room was almost empty before packing up his things. He stuffed around with his pencil case until he saw Kairi pull herself to her feet and stumble to the door and then he quickly shoved the rest of his stuff in his bag, falling in behind Kairi as she walked slowly down the corridor.

Kairi stared at the floor as she trudged towards her locker. She didn't see the silver haired boy shadowing her until he accidentally slipped on a wet patch on the floor and crashed into her, sending them both flying. Her books flew everywhere and she slid across the damp floor hitting the lockers hard. She looked up furiously to see Riku lying on the other side of the hall a vicious remark already forming on her lips, and then she saw that Riku was lying in an extremely awkward position and he wasn't moving at all. Her eyes widened and she scuttled across the hallway over to where Riku was lying.

The hallways were deserted at lunchtime; no one was even in any of the classrooms. Kairi stared frantically around and then crawled over to Riku and lifted his head into her lap. She ran her fingers gently over the gash on the side of his head and wiped the slow trickle of blood away from his face, tears running down her cheeks. She tried to wipe away her tears but only succeeded in smearing blood across her own face. All the emotion of the last few days finally caught up with the miserable girl and she burst into sobs, burying her face in Riku's hair.

When Riku came to the first thing he noticed was the throbbing ache in his head and the sticky blood on his cheek. The second thing he registered was the feel of arms tight around him. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Kairi bent over him, wracked with sobs. He gently lifted his own arms and enfolded the crying girl in a hug. It didn't exactly have the effect he was hoping for.

For a brief second Kairi melted in Riku strong arms, almost losing herself in the moment, but then she remembered the previous day and stiffened in his embrace shoving herself backwards. She stared at Riku wide eyes, watching warily as he sat up wincing at the pain in his head. 'Kairi,' he started. 'God I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you. I just…I'm just so sorry.'

Kairi stared at the floundering boy narrowing her eyes trying to pick up any trace of sarcasm or deceit. His eyes were clear and honest, vulnerable even, yet Kairi could not bring herself to believe he was being truthful. She had been through too many years of mockery and lies to trust anyone. Her heart ached to let down the barriers of pain, but she could not let go of her distrust. Hardening her heart to the pangs of longing, Kairi stood up abruptly. 'Come on Riku, you need to go to the sick bay. That cut looks pretty bad. Can you stand up?' she turned away from his bewildered gaze and made a show of picking up her scattered books. 'Hurry up, you need to get it looked at.'

Riku stared at the shaking girl for a second longer and then climbed slowly to his feet. He forced himself up straight before nausea overwhelmed his senses and the hallway spun wildly in his vision. Kairi turned just in time to see the silver haired boy's knees buckle beneath him. Moving with a fluid and practiced speed Kairi dropped her books and caught Riku before he hit the ground. Her eyes widened as she took his weight, for though the boy was tall, he weighed next to nothing. Getting a tight grip on his arms, she began to make her way slowly towards the sick bay.

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Blackness everywhere…Not pure black exactly, but the many hues of night…The swirling darkness was only black in the sense that a starlings wing is black…Shadow shot with blue…The delicate elusive greens and mysterious purples that are only seen in the midnight hours…The boys eyes searched frantically for any sign of light in the endless darkness, but the shadows were complete…

_Falling…No change in the blackness around him, only the sensation of falling through empty air, nothing to halt him or slow him…Swooping in his stomach, no wind rushing past, but the impression of wind tugged at his senses…How far had he fallen? How would he know? In this world of dark, there was no distance and no time…Falling…Falling…Endless shadow…_Light…

Time and space burst back and Riku wrenched his eyes open. His eyelids felt as though they were weighed with a ton of lead. Unlike every story he had heard of people coming gracefully out of unconsciousness, Riku's head felt as though it was exploding. The pain erupted into his brain and he heard his mouth saying 'Ow ow owowowow…' He did not recognise the nurse sitting next to him, but when she pushed a pill and a glass of water into his hand he grabbed them gratefully. She watched him closely until he took the pill and then moved off towards her office. Riku rolled over and found himself face-to-face with a sleeping Kairi slumped over his bedside.

Completely confused, Riku looked around the room that he was in. The walls of the small room were a stark white and the sheets that were wrapped around him were starched and almost stiff. Disorientated he tried to make sense of the facts when a smell penetrated his confusion. His nose picked up the chemical odour of sickness and medicine, the stink of illness. There was only one place that could smell so strongly of malaise and chemical remedies, the hospital.

As his mind finally came to the realisation of where he was, the medication he had taken began to blur the world around him. Within the fog of coming sleep he managed to turn his head towards Kairi and fixed his dimming vision on her face. As sleep blanketed his mind, the last thing he saw was Kairi's eyes, pools of blue watching him drift away…

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	3. Chapter 3 Connection

**Chapter 3. Connection.**

_My head hurts. I can't concentrate. I can't remember much of what happened, but…Kairi was there. She held me in her arms and stayed with me in this place when no one else did. None of my 'friends' came to see me after the accident. Goes to show…what does it go to show?_

_-Excerpt from Riku's diary._

Kairi sat on her bed staring out of the window. Rain was drizzling from heavily clouded skies and the sparse trees outside of her room were whipped and torn by the howling wind. Her music was down low because her parents were home, but Kairi could still hear the haunting strains above the wind and rain. It was a dark and horrible Saturday so Kairi was trying to take the opportunity to get a head start on the huge English assignment that they were given the day before. She was finding it hard, as her thoughts turned inexorably to the silver haired boy that she had held briefly in her arms the day before.

A bottle flew across the room, smashing against the door. The sound of Kairi cursing violently rose even above the sounds of the storm outside. Why couldn't she stop thinking of that arrogant, stupid, egotistical, gorgeous, cocky, beautiful…dammit, why would he not leave her thoughts? After everything she had been through and still she falls for the biggest jackass in school. Hah, well, maybe the second biggest; Sora was really the ringleader. Dammit, he was still in her head…

Swearing again Kairi viciously punched her pillow. Grabbing her pad of paper and a pen she glared at the blue lines that stretched across the page. Unbidden, words flowed from her mind and scarred themselves deep into the white surface of the paper.

_Who am I  
That dares cry  
Ancient tears  
Of hidden sorrow?  
The night hides my shame  
But we all know  
That the emotions I have  
Are not the same._

_Who am I  
That dares to ask  
For understanding  
Of my past?  
The hates and fears  
That mar my soul  
Now black as coal,  
Redemption now  
Is an impossible task._

_Who are you  
To judge the damned?  
We, the hated angels,  
Live too.  
My broken wings  
And dead blue eyes  
Are not my core.  
But beyond this  
Flawed angel form  
My perfect spirit flies,  
Much like yours._

Who are you  
To say who I am.  
I may be damned  
An angel cursed,  
But who are you?  
My halves are whole,  
The angel and the devil  
Balanced in my soul.  
Do not judge the devil  
For the angel also sees  
Your condemning heart.  
The spirit sees  
Who is the angel  
And who has been the demon  
Right from the start.

Memories assailed Kairi, buffeting her from all eras of her life. Her father, beating her. Her cutting over the years. The abuse from numerous relationships. The many times that she had lain on her bed covered in blood, drowning in alcohol and her parents sat in the other room oblivious. Her whole world was taken over by the memories that mixed in with her current pain.

Tears smudged the scribbled words and streaked the paper with dribbled black lines. As the wind whistled and roared past the window and the rain pounded down, red blood slowly began to drip onto the paper, mingling with the tears. Black jagged lines on smooth white paper. Glistening rubies encased in diamond crystals. Quiet sobbing barely audible behind the angry storm.

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Riku lay in the hospital bed, his thoughts buzzing wildly. The feeling of Kairi in his arms, and the look of her face as she slept by his bed, the tearstained look of longing she had given him would not leave his mind. He had drifted off to sleep late the last night, with Kairi was still sleeping next to him, but when he woke up on the Saturday morning she was gone. He balled his hands into fists and tried to hold back tears. He was stunned at how much he missed her quiet presence.

He raised a hand to his bandaged temple and winced at the sudden jag of pain that shot through his whole head. Tears came to his eyes, and suddenly overflowed, taking Riku by surprise. The overwhelming feelings that were swirling round inside him took hold and he gave into the pain and confusion.

Riku was finally raised from his misery when the rain clouds burst outside and the storm started hammering at his window. He sat listening to the fury of the weather for hours and hours, alone and sore in the hospital. Thoughts raced round and round his head, Sora, Kairi, feelings, emotions, heartache, headache, he felt like he was going insane.

Suddenly Riku leapt off of his bed and, ignoring the bolt of pain earthing itself in his skull, grabbed a pad of paper and started hunting frantically for a pen. His feelings were getting so overpowering that he needed some kind of release. And since his usual way of letting out his feelings was at the gym and therefore out of reach, he needed to find another way. Once he found a pen, Riku collapsed back on his bed and tried to stop the room spinning. He snapped his head back up and completely ignoring his physical pain, proceeded to pour out his confusion and growing panic.

Feelings strike me down out of my control,  
And take over my world and my mind too.  
Feelings those I love just cannot accept  
But I this I can't deny, what must I do?  
Can I go against the will of others?  
Or will I bow to those who rule my world?  
I walk around and endlessly pretend  
That inside me emotions are not curled.  
I'm torn in two by these things I now feel,  
And I am at a loss for what to do.  
The choices all are racing round my head  
And what to pick, I really wish I knew.  
My head is all messed up on the inside.  
These strange feelings I know I must hide.

A tear leaked down his cheek and Riku did not even bother to brush it away, in letting his feelings loose on paper the silver haired boy had opened much more than a floodgate of tears. He felt his thoughts spreading and searching, until they found something that called to him. Little did Riku know it, but he had touched Kairi's mind with his own. Little did he know that he and the Goth girl shared something deeper than the emotions that they were both discovering.

As soon as Riku felt the connection of his thoughts with something else, his whole world was overwhelmed with a huge sense of pain and loss. His mind was deluged with memories and feelings not his own, but not totally alien to him either. He caught glimpses of fists flying and heard dim screaming. He saw a towering figure standing over him and felt the impact of a foot in his ribs. The visions blurred and then he felt, with piercing clarity, the slice of a blade into his skin. His minds eye looked down and he saw blood flowing freely from both of his wrists.

With a stifled scream Riku jerked himself from the disturbing visions. He knew beyond a doubt that what he had seen was real, but he was unable to figure out where, or to whom the terrible things were happening. Riku sat in his hospital bed, thoughts whirling uncontrollably through his mind. He stared blankly at the wall all his energy going into unravelling the tangle of thoughts he was trying to cope with.

Sleep closed in on the boy without warning and within seconds he was asleep, oblivious to the storm outside. His dreams were filled with fragments of the horrible visions he had witnessed just before, but over everything else he could hear the soft voice of a girl speaking his name.

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	4. Chapter 4 Acting and Reacting

**Chapter Four. Acting and Reacting.**

I felt something last night. Something I have never felt before. A connection that with someone that banished everything bad. Someone…merged with me somehow. They joined with my mind, thought my thoughts with my, felt my memories…my pain. How can this have happened? Who was it that connected with me so deeply? Will I ever know?

-Excerpt from the journal of Kairi.

The school was abuzz when Riku walked through the front doors, and he had only taken two steps before Sora had spotted him. His best friend bounced up to him and playfully linked arms, parading him down the hallway to their first class. Riku staggered along trying to keep up with his exuberant friend and was relieved when they finally made it to their class and he could sit down.

Sora nudged Riku as their drama teacher droned on about method acting. 'Hey man, so what happened to you on the weekend? You missed some hot hook ups and some parties ay. Didn't hear a thing from you at all.'

Riku just gaped at his friend in disbelief. His friend hadn't bothered to check up on him for the whole time he had been in hospital. He hadn't even rung to see where he was. Words would not come to Riku and he just sat with his mouth open staring at Sora. The cinnamon haired boy waited for his friend to respond and then seemed to suddenly notice the stunned expression on Riku's face. 'What's your problem? What you looking like that for?'

'Sora, I was in the hospital all weekend ok? On Friday I bloody fell over and nearly fractured my skull. I had a mild concussion and had to be in for observation for three days. You didn't fucken ring and check where I was, you didn't even think of me all weekend did you? None of my 'friends' spared me a thought even though no one heard from me the whole weekend. Fuck man, all you care about is parties.'

Suddenly stopping in the middle of his tirade, Riku realised that he had raised his voice a little too loud. The teacher was staring at the two friends with a hard look in his eye, and Riku had a sudden premonition that things were not going to be good for him and Sora. The drama teacher Mr Tivanio gazed in Riku's direction with an evil look in his eye. 'Riku! Sora! You two can join with Kairi, Leo and Jay to do the next exercise in front of the class. You have twenty minutes to come up with a scene showing conflict and resolution. The only problem is that you must switch people with every exchange. You have three main characters that will be played by everyone at some point. And,' he said with a humorous glint in his eye. 'If you have any questions, then you haven't been listening and will get a weeks detention. Ok, twenty minutes, starting now.'

A groan went up from the chosen few, while the rest of the class giggled and sighed with relief at not being picked. Kairi pushed herself to her feet and strolled over to join the rest of her group. By the time she had made her way across the packed classroom, the discussion on the scene had already started. She slumped into a chair and sat facing away from the rest of the group trying to hide her bloodshot eyes and paler than usual face.

Sora quickly jumped in with an idea and as usual dominated the whole proceedings. He came up with the idea of a love triangle and forged ahead with his idea before anyone else could object. 'So, what we do is have a two guys and one girl in a room. The girl is in love with one of the guys and the other one likes her. Easy conflict there huh?' he grinned at the rest of the group waiting for adulation and praise for his quick thinking.

Kairi grinned sardonically and added her own twist to the generic tale that Sora had started. 'Why don't we add some flavour to that Sora? What about the first guy liking the second one? And have the conflict end with the guys getting together. Makes it a little more interesting don't you think?'

Leo and Jay looked at each other and shrugged. 'Well we better get a move on, and this is the best idea we have.'

'Yeah, we've only got twenty minutes remember. Hey, why don't we start by improvising it for a little bit and work on it from there?' For lack of any other options the group stood up and started to work out the scene.

Sora ordered people into their roles and quickly bossed people around until they were standing in positions that suited his idea of the scene. He pushed Kairi over in the centre of the circle and took his place opposite from her as the object of her interest. He grinned at the scowling girl and started off the scene.

'I don't know why we're here Mandy, we've been through this before.' Sora said with a grin as he gave Kairi the name of the biggest slut in the school. 'You know that you're the only one for me, what makes it so hard to say you want me?'

Kairi groaned under her breath at the scene that she was forced to play. 'Roger, you know that I love Shaun. I have never loved you. I can't be with you.'

Sora grinned again and moved closer to Kairi, standing close enough to make her uncomfortable. 'I know you want me Mandy. I know that if you just give us a chance…' He moved into her suddenly and pulled her close to him, still grinning down at her. 'Kiss me sweet Mandy, I know you want me.'

Kairi struggled against Sora's strong arms tried to avoid his lips. She slapped him round the face and shoved away from him, falling over in her haste to get away. The rest of the group was not sure if this was part of the scene and decided to move on as though all of it was an act. Leo stepped in as the third player, Shaun.

'Roger, what's going on? What is she doing here?' Leo stuttered, obviously floundering for lines. As he was clearly stuck for what to say, Riku stepped in and took over from Sora as Roger.

'I think you know Shaun. She loves you as she never loved me.' Riku blinked and tried to draw attention from Kairi who was on the verge of tears. He broke into dramatic sobs and fell to his knees next to Kairi. In between sobs he whispered to her, 'Quick, swap with Jay. She can take over for a bit.' Covering her relief, Kairi motioned to Jay to come and take her place on the floor. As she lifted her arm to beckon Jay, the sleeve of her jersey fell back revealing twists of dried blood and still bleeding wounds on her wrist. She quickly yanked her sleeve down and looked away from the rest of the group praying that no one had noticed.

Riku had to swallow tears at the sight of the Kairi's wrist, but he knew that he couldn't draw attention to it. Even though the stunning revelation of the identity of his dream-link had clicked in his brain, now was not the time to say anything. He swiftly recovered his poise and resumed the dialogue of the scene. 'There is nothing I can do Shaun. Nothing.'

Leo tried to pull himself together but before he could gather his wits, Sora stepped into the part of Shaun. 'Roger, there's something I must tell you. I don't care about Mandy in that way. I, I don't care for her at all. I…have something to tell you, and I don't know how to say it.' He artistically choked up and stared soulfully at Riku with a slight smile on his face.

Riku stared back at Sora in disbelief. 'Shaun…whatever are you talking about? What's going on?'

Sora grinned again, and walked over to Riku where he fell to his knees next to him. 'I love you Roger. I can't deny it any longer. I can't stand to see you in the arms of that slut. I can't bear that she has such a hold over you.'

Jay, still on the ground let out a credible scream of anguish and threw herself at Sora and Riku, beating theatrically at Sora's chest. She let out a moan and started to gabble in her interpretation of a hysterical girlfriend. 'How could you, you bastard? How could you do this to me? How could you have never told me?' Everyone in the group chuckled slightly at Jay's reaction, at odds with her usually stoic and guarded veneer.

Sora pushed her away slightly and beckoned to Kairi to come and take over the part again. She walked slowly over to Jay and knelt on the floor, shooting Sora a look of hatred as she did so. She moaned in the same way Jay had, and went back to beating at Sora with her fists. Sora raised his hands defensively, as her attack was fiercer than Jay's acting had been. He smiled at her sarcastically and looked back at Riku to continue the scene. 'Please speak to me Roger…tell me that you feel the same way.'

Riku glanced at Kairi and then stared at Sora. 'Shaun…this is all too much. I, I don't know what to say.'

Sora giggled in a disturbing way, but before Riku could wonder over his amusement, it all became stunningly clear. 'Then don't say anything Roger. Just feel.' And with that, he lunged forward and kissed Riku full on the lips.

The class erupted as Sora held Riku close and kissed him hard. The small group hadn't realised that what was meant to be their practice time was actually the performance. Mr Tivanio called an end to the impromptu show and tried to calm the class before the bell went. No one noticed that Kairi went pale and swayed as though she was about to faint. Or that Riku sat, stunned by the conflicting feelings that filled him. Sora grinning and mugging for the crowd, played as usual to the attention. As the bell went he swept out the door with his crowd of followers, ignoring the aftermath of the scene just enacted.

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Kairi sank into a chair as the rest of the class surged out of the door with Sora. She felt too exhausted to cry or even draw which was her usual coping strategy. She stared blankly at the floor for what seemed like a year until Mr Tivanio's voice brought her back to earth. 'Kairi, what is happening to you?'

Looking up into Mr Tivanio's worried face, Kairi quickly averted her eyes and muttered a noncommittal response. She swiftly rose from her chair and walked out of the room before he could ask any more. Kairi could not stand the look of concern on her teacher's face, and she knew that the questions he was about to ask would not have been soft ones. She strode down the hall to her locker, but pulled up short as she noticed who was standing by it. Riku.

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Riku noticed the momentary hesitation in Kairi's step as she approached him, but he was too intent on what he was about to do to think too hard about it. As she stopped by her locker, Riku grabbed her arm and started walking her towards the door. She struggled slightly, but gave up the pretence. Instead she just concentrated on getting out the door with the minimum of attention drawn to them.

Once they were outside, Riku steered Kairi towards the back wall of the classrooms that made up the English building. As they rounded the corner though, she dragged herself free of his grip and pushed him into the wall. He fell hard into the brick wall with a look of comic surprise on his face and stayed leaning there as she marched up to him.

'What the hell do you think you are doing Riku?' she hissed angrily. 'What the fuck do you want from me? Haven't you and Sora already done enough? And yet still you want to torment me some more. Who the hell do you think you are?'

She pulled back her hand to hit him, but Riku was too quick and gripped her wrist tightly. She winced as her shirt dragged over her cuts, but did not look away from his gaze. He stared into her face with a look of mingled anger and confusion.

'Kairi…Fuck, I don't know how to say this. I can't…I can't stop thinking about you.' He stuttered into silence and let go of her wrist, suddenly realising how hard he was holding her. Kairi slowly pulled her hand back and rubbed her wrist. She started to say something, but then she went pale and pulled away from him. She looked at him once more, with pain written clearly on her face, and then she turned and ran back towards the school building.

Riku stood speechless for the longest moment, but then the noises behind him finally registered. He turned to see Sora, Leo and the rest of their group rounding the building, shoving and laughing. Riku groaned quietly and then quickly ran to join them. His thoughts however were with a dark haired girl and the slices he had seen on her arm.

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	5. Chapter 5 Burning Bridges

**Chapter Five. Burning Bridges.**

_I'm scared for Kairi. I know she's in pain, but I don't know what I can do. I hurt her, Sora hurts her, the whole fucking school hurts her, and there's nothing I can do about it. I have to find some way to make her see…See what? I don't even know how I feel about her. I feel something, but…Oh god, this is too fucking hard!_

_-Excerpt from Riku's diary._

The rest of Kairi's school day seemed to pass in a haze of blurred colours and garbled words. She didn't hear a word that her teachers said, and all her responses were automated. All that kept running through her mind was 'Oh gods, he likes me. What am I going to do? How can this be?' And as her last class for the day drew to an end, a thought hit her like a lightening blot from the blue; 'It was him who connected with my thoughts!'

On her walk home, Kairi wandered along the familiar route in a daze. So lost in her own thoughts was she, that she didn't notice that someone was following her. She let herself into her empty house and drifted into her bedroom to fall onto her bed. She ignored the bloodstained sheets and the tackiness of the half dried blood, and lay staring at the ceiling.

Her mind raced faster and faster, thoughts of Riku and the scene earlier repeating again and again like a broken record. '_How do I say this…I can't stop thinking about you…can't stop thinking about you…hate seeing you hurt…'_ Dammit, how could this be happening? The look in his eyes as he stared into her own…what was happening?

Kairi jerked herself into a sitting position and let out a scream of anger and confusion. She jumped off the bed and looking round for something to throw, picked up her lamp and hurled it at the wall. The light bulb burst in a small shower of sparks but Kairi was so deep in her rage that she didn't even notice a wisp of smoke rising from the remnants of the lamp.

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Riku had tracked Kairi surreptitiously all the way from their school. He was careful not to be seen, keeping low and ready to dodge behind a tree, but he needn't have worried for Kairi was beyond noticing anything. He slowed as she turned into her driveway and stood on the pavement indecisively. If he went in, what the hell would he say?

He saw a light go on in the room closest to the street and watched as Kairi's silhouette disappeared from view. Riku walked up to the door and reached tentatively for the knocker, but he jerked his hand away as a scream came from within the house. Telling himself that there was no way she could have seen him he sat down gingerly on the steps and his brow furrowed as he puzzled deeply about what to say.

It took a few minutes before Riku noticed a strange smell in the air, but once his brain registered the smell he leapt to his feet and ran to the door. From within the ramshackle house Riku could smell the thick smoke of a house fire. Torn with indecision for a second the boy stood poised by the door, but his sharp hearing picked up Kairi's rasping cough from inside and he burst through the door.

The inside of the house was filled with choking black smoke but Riku hardly seemed to notice as he ran toward where he guessed Kairi's room should be. He kicked open one door to see an empty spare room, but the next door he tried flew open to reveal a scene out of a nightmare.

Flames crackled and leapt around the windows of the large room, roaring as the wind fanned them from outside. Kairi lay beside her bed coughing weakly. Riku stared for a second at the bloodstains that covered the bed before a piece of the window frame fell in, dragging his attention back to reality. Without a second thought for his own safety the boy ran across the room to Kairi and began to drag her towards the door.

By the time Riku managed to drag Kairi outside of the front door, fire engines and an ambulance were pulling up in the driveway. It was still light outside and glancing briefly at his watch, Riku was amazed to see that it was only four. The time from trailing Kairi home from school, to being outside the burning house was no more than fifteen minutes. He collapsed next to Kairi's still form as the medics rushed to get them away from the house.

From the back of the ambulance Riku watched as the fire fighters tried to save Kairi's house. The water from the hoses eventually got the fire under control but the force of the water pressure collapsed part of Kairi's room and half of the hallway. Riku tore himself away from the sight and went to sit next to Kairi as the ambulance began the long trip to the local hospital, when suddenly a monitor beside her began to beep urgently.

Riku could only watch helplessly as the doctor pushed him out of the way and knelt next to the motionless girl. The doctor ripped Kairi's shirt open exposing her chest and lacing his fingers tightly together began to depress her ribcage to force air into her lungs.

For what seemed like forever to Riku, the doctor breathed air into Kairi's mouth and pumped her chest. Just as Riku's hope began to die in his heart, Kairi took a great whooping breath and let it out in wracking cough that doubled her over. She retched over the side of the gurney that she lay on for a few seconds and then fell back to the stretcher, her eyes raising up to meet Riku's.

Time seemed to stop for them both until puzzlement took over Kairi's jumbled thoughts. 'What's going on Riku, why are you here?' she managed to whisper. 'This…this is an ambulance…what am I doing in an ambulance?' That much speech seemed to exhaust her and she broke into a series of hacking coughs.

'You'd house Kairi,' Riku managed to stutter. 'There was a fire. And, and I managed to get you out, but your room…it was burning so bad…I couldn't do any thing more.' He cringed slightly at this incoherent statement lowering his eyes from hers, and waited for the inevitable question of what the hell he was doing at her house.

The question never came. Riku looked up to see that Kairi had lapsed into unconsciousness beside him. He stared at her still form for a second before recovering the presence of mind to pull her ripped shirt to cover her exposed chest. Suddenly dizzy from his close call, Riku leant back and rested his head on the wall of the ambulance and closed his eyes. He wasn't given a long respite however, for almost as soon as his eyes fell shut, a medic climbed into the back of the ambulance and sat opposite him.

'So, what's your name?' said the medic shortly. 'And can you tell me where we are to take this young lady? No one can seem to tell us where her family is, or how they can be contacted. She doesn't need to come into the hospital, the doctor just informed me of a multiple car crash and the emergency ward is full. This girl just needs rest and someone to supervise her.

Riku sat stunned. He didn't know where any of Kairi's family was, and hearing that she couldn't be admitted into hospital had utterly thrown him. He couldn't think, and with the medic waiting for his reply he blurted out the only thing he could think of to do. 'She can come home with me.'

The medic gave him a searching look and Riku immediately tried to qualify his statement adding, 'She's my best friend from school. My parents are home and they can help me look after her.'

This seemed to convince the ambulance worker as he nodded briefly, jotted a quick note on his clipboard and climbed again out of the ambulance. Riku sat slightly stunned at this turn of events, and hardly even noticed when the ambulance started moving slowly away from the remains of Kairi's house towards his own.

They arrived at Riku's house just as the sun was slipping below the horizon and Kairi was carried indoors and laid gently on the couch. Riku thanked the medical team before taking a deep breath and walking back inside to sit with Kairi. He had no clue as to how he would explain himself, but before he could puzzle out a reasonable answer tiredness overwhelmed him and he fell into a fitful sleep half draped over Kairi on the couch.

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	6. Chapter 6 Don't Make Me Look Back

**Chapter Six. Don't Make Me Look Back.**

_Just when you think you have a handle on the way things are, just when you think you can accept the hell you live in, something comes along and breaks your hold on life. Why can't I accept that I am hated by those I despise? Why do I want to fit in when I know and accept that I will never be like them?  
I always want what I can't have…who I can't have. And it hurts every time. Do I do this to punish myself? Who knows…_

_- Excerpt from the journal of Kairi._

It was Tuesday afternoon when Kairi awoke, and the first thing she was aware of was a sensation of something heavy sitting on her lungs. She could feel each breath rasp in her throat and she started coughing convulsively. Her throat and chest felt as though they were on fire and in panic she struggled against the blanket wrapped around her.

As soon as Kairi started coughing and thrashing on the couch Riku was jerked awake. With barely a thought he leapt to his feet and ripped the blankets off Kairi and pulled her to him in an effort to contain her wild motions. Gradually he realised that she had stopped coughing and was instead fighting to get of his grip he released her hurriedly and pushed back violently from the couch. He stared at her, in bewilderment over the fearful look in her eyes.

Kairi was as pale as a ghost, staring at Riku with wide and terrified eyes. She tried to look around and take in her surroundings but her eyes were drawn back to the confused boy crouched next to her. 'What's going on Riku?' she said hoarsely with a suppressed choking cough. 'What the hell is going on? Where am I, why were you fucken touching me!'

Riku stared at her, utterly taken aback at the vehemence in her voice. He stuttered over his planned response and then simply said 'My god Kairi, don't you remember anything about yesterday afternoon?'

Kairi lowered her eyes and tried to think back beyond the shadowy memories his touch had evoked. She could vaguely remember walking home in confusion and disbelief over their earlier conversation but the events after she got inside the front door of her home were simply not there. She concentrated hard thinking, and then suddenly the memories washed through her like a cold wave, raising goose-bumps all over her body.

She started shaking violently and made no effort to pull away as Riku moved in slowly and placed the blanket round her shoulders. Tears streamed down Kairi's face as she mumbled 'Is there anything left? Has my home gone?'

Riku made no more moves to touch her but sat close as he explained the damage done to her room and half of the hallway. His mind was only half on the explanation he was giving however as he could see the dreadful effect his words were having on Kairi. Halfway through describing the damage he stopped and looked at her in concern, 'Kairi…its not like the house can't be fixed. Don't your parents have insurance or something? Is that what's so bad?'

Kairi turned her head away and tried to still her shaking. 'You don't understand Riku. How could you possibly understand, you were born with a fucking silver spoon up your ass. Everything has been perfect for you your whole life. My life…is a fucken wreak.'

Resisting the temptation to reach out to her Riku sat as still as a stone and tried hard to hide how much her words had hurt him. 'Then tell me Kairi. Make me understand. Have I not made this clear to you, I care. I give a fuck! I want to help dammit, let me help you!'

Finally Kairi turned her tearstained face towards him. 'You want to know Riku? You really want to know about how my parents left me to live on my own when I was only nine? You want to know about the monthly allowance my grandmother sends me so that I can afford to eat and live in that fucken shack of a house? Or would you rather hear about the money I have saved over three years that got stolen when I was at my second…job? Hows that for a story Riku? You feel sorry for me yet rich boy?'

All colour drained from Riku's face and he looked as though he had been struck. He didn't move however and continued to look Kairi full in the face. 'Not everything I have came easy Kairi, but you don't want to hear that. And right now I'm not going to bore you with the details. All I want you to know is that I don't care how hard you've had things till now unless you want to tell me. I want you to know that I…' and he stuttered a little. 'I want you to know that I care about you. I don't want…I don't pity you…I…I care about you.'

Kairi sat on the couch silently, keeping her stunned expression away from Riku's searching eyes. She could hear the longing in Riku's voice and behind that she could hear his sincerity although she did not want to admit it. Hardening her voice she said 'What is this Riku, is this going to be your charity case for the month? Or did you want me round as house help. Maybe even your own personal prostitute…would you like to keep me here to fuck Riku? Just like a little slave.'

As the words left Kairi's mouth, she found herself shocked at how cruel she sounded. And she cringed slightly waiting for Riku's response. It wasn't even close to what she expected.

Riku went white and went motionless. His eyes were glassy and unseeing, from his mouth came a low moan of pain and he stood suddenly as though pulled upright. He walked stiffly away from Kairi and up the stairs towards his room, uttering not a sound since his initial moan. The door didn't even slam behind him, just swinging gently to rest half closed.

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In the silence of his room Riku sat on the very edge of his bed. His eyes stared at a spot on the wall, but his mind was watching events that took place over a decade before. He made no noise, but in his thoughts the hellish sounds of the memory became clearer and clearer.

_The room was huge. To his four-year-old eyes, the floor seemed to stretch forever. His wonder-struck gaze travels over the polished marble floor and walls, and the velvet curtains that bordered each stained glass window. Hearing footsteps the child turns around and sees a man coming down the stairs. 'Uncle Conner!' The boy runs over and is swept up into a hug. The man carries the child up the stairs and sets him down at the door to his bedroom._

_'This is where you will sleep Riku. You get to stay here until your parents get back, and this will be your room.' says Conner smiling at his nephew. 'Don't come out tonight you hear? There is a big adults only party and you need to be a good boy and stay in bed.'_

_No memory of the answer or of the hours of sleep that must have intervened, but suddenly Riku is standing behind a pair of huge doors and peeking into another massive room. It is lit only by moonlight and there are many people standing round what looks like a bed. Loud music muffles the laughter and talking, although something rises above the melodies…what sounds like a faint scream._

_Riku gasps as the scream comes again and then he screams himself as a shadow moves in front of the gap in the doors. The shadowy adult grabs Riku's arm tightly and propels him through the doors and into the circle of adults. Images assail the young boy's senses and he is unable to make sense of what he sees._

_There is a big low bed surrounded by people. They are not all adults; children stand in a small huddle at one end of the bed. Riku's eyes are drawn to the bed and he is stunned at what he sees._

_His uncle. A child. Both naked. The child cries and is ignored, his uncle lays on top of the child, moving strangely. What is happening? The moonlight coming through the skylights is half obscured by clouds, Riku can't see, what is happening?_

_Without warning the adult behind Riku pushes him forward hard. He cries out._

_Memory blanks out a few minutes and abruptly Riku is the child on the bed. Crying is doing no good, his uncle still holds him roughly by the wrists, forcing his face into the blankets. 'Now Riku,' he grunted. 'You have to be punished for not being an obedient boy. You should have stayed in bed and done what you were told. Bad boys must be punished.' Another adult steps forward to pin his arms and he feels his pants torn away…_

_Tearing, searing, burning, pain. Riku screams again and again but no one cares. His uncle holds his hips, forcing him to stay on his hands and knees though his legs are like jelly. Something hard inside him, ripping him in half, pushing in and out getting deeper and deeper._

_The constant pain lulls Riku into semi-consciousness until his uncle groans and speeds up his thrusting, pulling Riku's small body back into him. Screaming…screaming…a final thrust and burning pain that feels like it will never end…_

_Sunrise. Sunset. So many days pass that Riku can no longer keep count. The days are hazy and repetitious, but the nights are filled with horror. His parents are gone for who knows how long and there is no escape from this house of terror and pain._

_One day a car comes to get him. A black car filled with people wearing suits. They take Riku away from his uncle despite Connor's threats and blustering. He is taken to a cold place where they ask him questions, endless questions that he answers as best he can._

_He is taken home. His parents are there as though they had never gone, which he finds out later they never did. They ask him again and again what happened but he has locked the memories away and will not answer. In fact during the day he does not ever remember, but every night his horror is relived, memories undeniable in the moonlight._

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For a long time Kairi sat alone on the couch in an unfamiliar house. She was stunned at the effect of her words on the boy who always seemed so poised and collected. She didn't have a clue why he was so totally distressed by what she said and she didn't know what to do.

The sun had moved away from her seat on the couch and was moving down the wall before Kairi heard a noise coming from upstairs. She half stood up and then hesitated, but as the sound of muffled sobbing became clearer she made a decision and walked towards the stairs.

It wasn't until she got to the bottom of the stairs that Kairi realised how weak she was and how much smoke she had inhaled. She managed to grab the stair rail before the force of her coughing doubled her over. She clung tightly to the rail and fought the choking coughs as they finally began to taper off. Gathering all her strength, Kairi started the long climb up the steep staircase.

By the time Kairi got to the top of the stairs her vision was blurry and she felt light headed with the immense effort. Staggering across the hall she fell against the doorjamb and peered into the room. Not seeing Riku, she gritted her teeth pushing off the wall and stumbled into Riku's bedroom.

In her weakened state, Kairi's senses were in overdrive. Her eyes only swept the room once, but she vividly noted the slanting roof, made of honey-coloured wood and the huge loft style design of the room. She found her gaze linger for a brief moment on the large long windows covered with delicate opaque hangings and was slightly wrong-footed by the meagre amount of furnishing that adorned the room. All this passed through her mind in the split second before she saw Riku.

He was sitting in the far corner of the room with his arms wrapped around himself and knees pulled up to his chest. As she lurched across the room to him she saw his eyes were squeezed shut and his skin was dead white. She fell just before she got to him but hardly noticed the pain, crawling to him and throwing her arms around his shivering form.

Riku made no sign that he noticed the girl at all. His sobbing was low and monotonous, drilling into Kairi's brain as she tried through sheer physical contact to calm Riku down. She could have been hugging a stone for all the difference she felt. His muscles were so tense he felt like he was carved of rock.

Long into the night Kairi sat with her arms round the sobbing boy, whispering into his ear, trying to bring him back from whatever dark place he had gone. It wasn't until the night started to pale into dawn that she felt a slight relaxing in his shoulders that spread down his back. Completely exhausted, she felt sleep unconsciousness beckoning and her head slumped onto Riku's shoulder. As the faint sunrays shone gently through the triangular window, the two teens slipped into relaxed slumber together.

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Across the other side of town, Sora lay on his huge super-king size bed staring at the ceiling. Sleep had eluded him the whole night and he was now trying to figure out why. His brow furrowed, 'Riku…has been different somehow.' He muttered. 'He's been absent so much and distracted…dammit what is it?!'

Groaning aloud Sora flopped over onto his stomach trying to get more comfortable. He felt like there was something he was missing, and something that…his friend didn't want him to know. He wasn't used to Riku having secrets from him and he decided that this was definitely something he was not going to have to get used to.

Frowning a little, the boy looked up to see it was the break of dawn outside. He quickly got up and threw on his jogging gear. A run at dawn and then some martial arts at the beach always helped clear his head. He shook his head and tried to focus on the run ahead but thoughts of Sora wouldn't leave his mind. He cursed under his breath and pulled the door closed behind him hoping that the pounding of sneakers on road could turn his thoughts from his friend.

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	7. Chapter 7 Cutting School

**Chapter Seven. Cutting School.**

_The past was shredding my mind into pieces…until I felt her arms around me. What is it about her that drove the shadows from my mind? She made me feel safe, even though my world felt like it was imploding.  
Oh god, what will Sora do if he finds out? He might…fuck; he would try and destroy her. He would try and destroy us…what am I going to do?_

_ - Excerpt from Riku's Diary_

Sora sat uncharacteristically quietly at the front of class with Jase and Leo, completely ignoring the teacher. Even the announcement of the approaching 'End of Term' didn't catch his attention. He only roused himself from his reverie when the door creaked open to allow two people in late to class. Riku and Kairi.

Smiling a little Sora gestured to his best friend to come and join him, but a frown crossed his face as Riku hesitated, glancing towards Kairi before heading towards the brown haired boy at the front of the room. A thought crossed Sora's mind briefly before he dismissed it with a violent shake of his head. There was no way that there was anything going on between Riku and the crazy Goth Kairi.

'So Riku,' he grinned. 'You've done your disappearing act once again. I'm getting a bit sick of only seeing you at school in good old English class. When can we get together and party like we used to in the good old days of like, a week ago?'

Riku offered a strained smile. 'Tell me where and when and I'll party with you. I'm still the same old Riku…ha ha just harder to catch.' He winced a little and fell silent, hoping that Sora hadn't noticed the momentary catch in his voice as memories of last night assailed him. A punishing flashback seared through his mind and he found words suddenly running through his head. Pulling out a pen and muttering vaguely about starting the poetry assignment, Riku turned away from Sora and began to write.

_Flashbacks and wrists slashed  
__And screams after midnight.  
__Switchblades and bruises  
__And absence of all light._

_Tears and my innocence tied up with string.  
__These are few of my favourite things._

_Loss of my trust  
__And the total betrayal.  
__Pleading and begging  
__A victim's portrayal._

_Rape and the aftermath keep repeating.  
__These are a few of my favourite things._

_When your cock's hard.  
__When the urge hits.  
__When you want a fuck.  
__Just look for the little boy within your reach  
__And then you will be  
__In  
__Luck._

_Bloodstains and old scars  
__And vacant blank hurt eyes.  
__Gagging with pain  
__As the dawn paints the blue skies._

_Stuck in that night and forever hurting.  
__These are a few of my favourite things._

_Violence and raping  
__And harsh penetration.  
__Bringing down someone  
__With cold degradation._

_Always your slave now forever whoring.  
__These are a few of my favourite things._

_When your mind's sick.  
__When you get off,  
__On a forced hard fuck.  
__Look for the helpless boy within your reach  
__And then you will be…  
__In  
__Luck._

Blinking back tears, Riku looked down at his work. It was like nothing he had ever written before. He hadn't noticed the passing of time as the class worked on their individual projects; he hadn't noticed anything except the words spilling from his mind onto the page. Riku smiled wryly as he slowly became aware of the parody that his poem took the form of. For the whole time he was at Uncle Conner's, he watched The Sound Of Music during the day to keep himself occupied.

As Sora attempted to look over his shoulder Riku suddenly jerked and swept his paper into his bag. He grinned sickly and pretended to make a joke of the secrecy, but he knew that he would never let Sora find out about his long forgotten past. It was too personal, too private to ever let someone like Sora know about.

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The total silence of the class slightly disturbed Miss Emeraudé and she decided to shake up the relaxed, lazy atmosphere. 'Alright everyone,' She proclaimed. 'It's time for a spot check on the progress of that nasty little poetry assignment.' She said the last bit with a slight wink at the groaning class. 'First up, are there any volunteers?'

The moans of 'Unfair' quickly died and the class did a very good impression of a group of statues, scared to move, to even breathe in case they were the one called upon to be first. The teacher's eye roamed around the room before settling on Sora. With a smile on her face Miss Emeraudé beckoned Sora to the front of the class, ignoring his groans and dragging feet. 'Ok Sora,' she grinned. 'Show us the budding poet that's living inside of you, bursting to get out.'

The whole class chuckled at Sora as he grinned along with Miss Emeraudé's ribbing. Taking the joke further to make it his own, Sora struck an expansive pose and whipped out a page from his folder. Miss Emeraudé narrowed her eyes at his attitude toward the essentially serious project she had set for the class.

Riku also narrowed his eyes at Sora; sure that the boy's joking was aimed directly at him and his secret poem. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment then looked over a Kairi; she returned his look with a steadying gaze and then indicated that he pay attention to the cinnamon haired boy who stood at the head of the classroom. Sora flashed him a particularly roguish grin and began his poem.

_There was a young boy from Traverse  
Whose tastes were extremely perverse.  
The boys he would chase  
Just to kiss on the face  
For his sexual sense was reverse._

_On the other hand girls he would scorn  
Indeed he wished none would be born.  
He would play with the boys  
Both with hands and with toys  
In an orgy from dusk through till dawn._

Sora sauntered back to his seat in a total uproar of noise. He tipped back his seat and rested his feet on the table enjoying in full the chaos he created with his shocking doggerel verse. Riku was staring at him with an open mouth, utterly struck dumb, while most people babbled to each other, loudly speculating about the meaning behind the short poem.

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As the bell went to end English, Sora leapt up and pranced over to Riku. He flamboyantly wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder before the boy could start making his way surreptitiously over to Kairi. 'Riku,' he proclaimed loudly. 'You are coming to my party tomorrow night and I'm not taking no for an answer.' Putting on a bereaved tone he continued, 'I feel like I'm growing apart from you, my best friend in the whole world.'

Hearing Sora hamming it up for the class, Kairi didn't even try and repress a snort of derision. At the sound, Sora glanced quizzically in her direction, but she was already shoving books viciously in her bag. Before the rest of the class was even out of their seats Kairi slammed out of the door and down the hall.

Maths began as usual with a flurry of body slamming and a rush to occupy the seats right at the back of the room. Sora shoved Kairi out of the way and dragged Riku to a seat right in the back corner of the room, as far away from the only seat Kairi could get, at the front.

Kairi scowled at the world in general and slumped in her rickety seat. She glanced over and glared at Sora before turning blank eyes to the whiteboard at the front of the room. Slamming her books on the desk, Kairi slid on the vacant mask she cultivated especially for Maths class.

In front of the class, the teacher Mr Tanaka eased his fat body around his desk knocking off a small avalanche of pencils. Sora snickered with laughter and sparked off giggles all around the room. Riku furrowed his eyebrows as Mr Tanaka's face went bright red and the embarrassed teacher scrabbled round on the floor trying to clear up the mess.

Once the pencils were back in their place and the students had quietened down Mr Tanaka coughed a little and said 'Alright class, today I think we are ready to take the next step and move on to calculus. It may be a little harder, but I think…'

He was unable to finish his sentence as a huge chorus of groans filled the room. In a stronger voice Mr Tanaka continued, 'Class I want you to all open your books to page 116, Chapter 9. We will start with Differentiation and the Product Rule which I will write on the board. You will copy it down and then we will go through some examples.'

Most of the class immediately bent their heads to task but a few exceptions remained motionless. Sora was incessantly whispering to Riku, while Kairi had already completed the formula and was starting to slip into a drawing trance. Her hand moved smoothly across the page in spirals and gothic designs until she could hardly hear the teacher in her dream state.

'Ok class, the formula is _(f g)' f 'g + f g'_ . So if _f(x) x2_ find the derivative…'

Sora nudged Riku and flicked a spit-ball at Kairi, hitting her on the shoulder. Seeing Sora giggling and looking at him, Riku forced a smile and a feeble laugh. Kairi scowled at them both and cursed under her breath.

Hearing the slight commotion in the corner Mr Tanaka turned around and focused his gaze on Kairi who was still swearing quietly. 'Miss Kairi,' said Mr Tanaka loudly. 'Did I hear you volunteer to give us the answer?'

Kairi's head jerked up and she looked wildly at the board. The numbers blurred before her eyes and she reverted to a talent she hadn't used in half her life. 'Mr Tanaka, the answer is _f'(x) 2x sin(x) + x2cos(x)_.

The rest of the class fell silent as Mr Tanaka gaped at his student. Kairi stared impassively back and then bent her head over her notebook. She hardly ever exposed her talent for mathematics; for it usually brought her more trouble then it was worth. Blushing, Kairi busied herself writing out the workings for the problem she had solved. She didn't need any additional questions on about how she worked it out in her head.

As Mr Tanaka stuttered in amazement and the rest of the class gaped at her, Kairi calmly raised her hand. 'Can I please be excused to use the bathroom Mr Tanaka?' She slipped out of her seat grabbing something from her bag as she left.

Riku glanced in her direction as she got up, and blinked as he noticed something glinting in her fist. For a second or two he couldn't figure out what it could be, but then the possible implications hit him and his eyes widened in fright. Shooting his arm upward he called, 'Mr Tanaka, I also need to use the bathroom.' Without waiting for a reply he leapt to his feet and hurried to the door as casually as he could before bolting down the hall after Kairi.

Kairi strode down the hall towards the girls bathroom and banged through the door. She almost fell through a cubicle door and slumped on the toilet seat, hanging her head limply. Her consciousness narrowed as she pulled out her knife and placed it on her wrist. She didn't hear the door open as Riku entered a few minutes later, all her mind was focused on was the blood now dripping through her fingers.

Standing indecisively in the dingy bathroom Riku dithered hopelessly. He didn't know whether to knock on each of the cubicle doors or to whisper Kairi's name hoping she would hear. Suddenly he heard a faint patter of liquid and saw a thin trickle of blood coming from under the end cubicle door.

Swearing loudly, Riku stumbled to the end door and pushed on it calling Kairi's name. The door didn't budge an inch and Riku's eyes widened as he realized that the door was locked from the inside. He called Kairi's name louder and cursed again as she didn't reply.

Shaking his head in helpless panic Riku lashed out and slammed his fist into the wall hard enough to break a tile in two. He stood there hesitantly for a second and then squared up his shoulder and smashed his body against the door. For a second the hinges held and then gave in to Riku's strength.

Lifting her blurry eyes Kairi saw Riku bending over her and grabbing her by the shoulders. The last thing she was aware of as her eyes slid closed was Riku enfolding her in his arms and lifting her as easily as he would lift a feather. Riku squeezed his eyes shut tight for a minute and then carried Kairi out of the bathroom and through the empty halls of the school.

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When Kairi came to, she had no idea where she was. She tried to raise her head, but she couldn't summon the strength. All the exhausted girl could do was stare at the leaves on the tree waving over her head. Wait, leaves? How had she gotten outside?

As sensation slowly returned to Kairi's body she noticed that she was lying on her back under a tree with her head and shoulders cradled in someone's lap. Using all her strength Kairi tilted her head back so she could see the face of the person who had taken her from the dirty bathroom.

Riku glanced down at that second and saw Kairi's eyes on his face. He went to say something, but his throat seemed to have closed up. He did eventually manage to stutter 'Are, are you ok Kairi? I mean, fuck, are you ok?'

Closing her eyes, Kairi let out a sigh. 'Why did you have to come in and find me? It was…It could have been over once and for all.' She turned her face away from Riku, trying to hide the tears that threatened to overwhelm her composure. For a few seconds she succeeded, but the shaking of her shoulders and her barely muffled sobs gave it away.

'Kairi, I couldn't let you do this to yourself…because…well because I think I love you. You were bleeding to death when I found you…I had to wrap up your wrists with bits of my shirt. I don't know why you keep doing this but…please, I wish you wouldn't do it again.

Kairi stared at Riku speechlessly. She couldn't stop gazing at his silvery hair contrasting with the intensely green leaves. She flinched slightly as Riku reached toward her face, but then relaxed when he gently brushed away a tear. She placed her hand on his and closed her eyes again sighing softly.

The pair were so wrapped up in their own world that neither of them noticed the small pale face staring down at them from the second floor window. Sora stood in the shadow of a pillar, his face contorted with jealousy and the beginnings of hate.

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End file.
